On Getting Out

If you are like me when things do not go as exactly as you want them to, you lock yourself inside. And since I am a perfectionist, my whole life I have had the tendency to hide from the world.

But I had the luck to meet someone at a conference for women entrepreneurs last April. She saw that I was not happy and that I did not love being there and she was right. I was miserable because I did not know where I was going and for so long I had punished myself into thinking about the solution, and in the meantime depriving myself of life. She told me that she helped people find their purpose and she could help me. I must have looked either so miserable or lost that Laurel proposed to help me for free. After our third hour of working together she said something to me, maybe what struck me is that she said it without irony as if she was simply summarizing my words factually: “so closing yourself inside and waiting for an epiphany has not been working for you?”

I held in my anger for a little before I answered: “no that’s right it hasn’t.” I knew what I did not want to admit because it meant taking myself out of that comfort zone of waiting for things to happen.

Thank you Laurel for telling me that. Epiphanies only happen in movies because they have 90 minutes to summarize a lifetime. Life, on the other hand, is a work in progress where things happen gradually in millimeters sort of like the earth that moves beneath us. But I did not want to hear that. I did not want to work on something, I simply wanted it to happen.

Only that in real life you figure things out by doing. Ideas rarely come in self-inflicted isolation.

As Sandor Marai says “It is not true that fate slips silently into our lives. It steps in through the door that we have opened, and we invite it to enter.” So I incrementally cracked it open ever so slightly as if not to hurt myself with too much life. So one day I woke up and went for a long walk, the next I authorized myself to go to coffee with a friend, the next I bought a white lace bathing suit thinking of summer, and the next I found work opportunities and the next my friend told me that if I wrote four articles she would help me write a blog. As I reached out to catch more glimpses of life it rewarded me. So I sat down and wrote eight.

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